Trusting God has always been a challenge for me. While I believe in His infinite wisdom and perfect plan for my life, a deep, dark part of me also very much believes in my own plan even more.
With my “I can do everything, handle everything, be everything everyone needs me to be” personality, controlling is one of my favorite things to do. I like to control my future plans, control the environment I’m in and to some extent even control the people around me. Control gives me comfort because it makes me feel like I can handle anything that comes my way.
But oh, how wrong I am. How little I can actually control in my life. Good or bad, high or low, my power of control is so feeble compared to the weight of the world. And when life does hand me insurmountable things that I can’t control, my world feels like it’s falling around me. I feel like I can’t get a grip on anything, don’t know what to do, can’t move forward, but keep running in place. In moments like this I realize just how much I really cannot control.
The difficulty in giving up control and trusting God doesn’t always come in hard times, but easy ones as well. As flawed people, we find satisfaction in having power over our own lives. But here’s the thing: as flawed people, if we run our own lives, then that life is going to be incredibly flawed, because we’re running it.
I look at my own life right now, and I have a lot of trials and peace going on.
In peace, I’m finding more and more joy and success in my writing and business endeavors. I love what I do, I’m good at what I do and I work hard at what I do. So I try to control that area of my life. And though it’s been a fruitful and joyous blessing, I still haven’t fully trusted God through it.
I think, “Oh yes, I’m doing this for God, I’m letting Him run this, God will make it happen.” But then I don’t believe those words. Instead, I make plans for the future I want, make the decisions I want with my writing, move my business in the direction I want. Trusting God plays no part in it.
In trials, my trust in God still falls short. I’ve had health issues for years, and lately they’ve been intensifying. While this is definitely something I can’t control, I still try. I ignore the problem, try to will it away, see the doctor but don’t listen to what he or she says. I figure that as long as my will is stronger than the issue, it will go away. But I’m not stronger; no one is except God.
Everyone has their trials and peace that they can’t give over to God. Maybe it’s a marriage falling apart, a new promotion at work, a baby on the way or a family member slowly dying.
We cling to what little control we appear to have and try to manage it as much as possible. We think that as long as we work harder, do better, be stronger, then eventually our control will win out. Everything will be perfect because we made it that way.
But that’s not the way the world works.
Everything can change in a single instant. Our spouse could leave us, the company we work for could collapse, our family member could pass away or we ourselves could fall asleep one night and never wake up again.
Our lives are feeble and the world is vastly out of our control. But luckily, we don’t need.
When we trust God through times of peace and trials, we give our control over to Him, along with all of the stress, worries and fears that go along with it. We let Him handle everything, and oh, how much more perfect that is. If we as imperfect people try to create a perfect life, we will fail every time. But when God—the only perfect being—runs our life, it will be more perfect than we could ever possibly imagine.
This isn’t to say that trusting in God will build a life without any challenges, difficulties or suffering. It’s not to say that God will act like a magic genie in a bottle and grant your every wish.
But it does mean that trusting God through every stage of life gives us an immense, pure, beautiful peace that can’t be found any other way. It heals us, fills up our souls and gives us a life unwavering to the world around us. Trusting God is my greatest challenge, but the most rewarding decision I can possibly make.
Every day, I choose to let go of my control and give Him the power and glory over my life. And though I stumble and fall at times, He sustains me, always drawing me closer and creating a more perfect plan than I could have ever possibly imagined.